Don't we all love super powers, something extraordinary to make us superior to others... I remember very well that I was so young when the first time I flipped the pages of an early issue of DC comics even I didn't know how to read yet. My young mind was mesmerized by the colorful outfit. That was my first introduction to Superman (a bird? a plane?) and to Batman fighting with all the villains with his fists and gadgets. I always wondered how the spot light was projecting the Batman insignia over the city of Gotham. And years after, many other super powered heroes were introduced to us. Practically became a part of our lives, our culture, a soft spot in our personalities. I always asked myself, what was the need to have all the time someone better, more powerful to admire? Do we need anyone? Really... Seriously... Do we need any? Do we have that low of a self esteem to look for imaginary moral support? Honestly, I don't have any answer to my own question. How can I have a genuine answer when I am one of the people who really admires super heroes. I can't be impartial about it. It's a rough start for me. I am already handicapped by my own opinions. It doesn't happen often. This is what I had bugging my mind today, all day, while trying to relax by the pool area. A snack bowl and iced lemonade in a colorful plastic cup was sitting on a poolside coffee table, next to my long chair. I was ready for a good afternoon, simply planning to clear my mind, and delete any unnecessary thoughts. Maybe I should give a break to my over-worked brain, just for a few hours to start with. Yes I know... There is no way a brain will stop thinking, even while sleeping. I know that it is a fact, a huge fact. And with me, with my brain.. definitely will never take even a slow down. I always accepted that I have several speed records broken in my brain, every moment, every split of second. I always put my brain to work harder than I can imagine. Why? am I being too ambitious? Is it because the life is short? Forget about life in general, I want to put a stop to generalization. Mine, my life is short.. That's what I care to keep the fire alive under my brain's work pattern. Fast... fast... snap.. snap.. quicker... double shift... multi tasking... Can't I pour coffee to my cup and place a slice in the toaster in the same time? Yes I can.. I have one hand for each. This is the way I supercharge my brain.. And today, I am thinking to give a slow down to my human power source, a graceful retirement attempt. Even partial solutions will be honored. There is no need to be a super hero... My so called work ethics should take a tiny vacation, just for today, for a nice occasion. What will be the occasion for..! I just want to have a peaceful moment with myself. It will be quite an occasion. Never happened to me before. My brain hums like a beehive in my crane, purrs like a well balanced Rolls Royce engine geared for a world record. I could never explain to you with simple words, sign language is not enough to demonstrate the level of being busy within myself. Just imagine a huge work space full of ideas and thoughts separated by colorful Japanese kimonos hanging on bamboo sticks, keeping them in orderly fashion. And today I just wanted to lift all the dividers, once in my life, to give myself a break. Did it occur to you ever, to the rest of the world, that I finally reached my limits, my humanly possible limitations! So I went ahead and declared today as my relaxation day by the pool. Sun is shining, shadows are playing little hide and seek games with the plantation around, while the warm breeze is going through them gently and carefully to do not move any leaves. And while all this is happening, I placed myself comfortably on the long chair, with my wide sunglasses to protect me from the direct sun light. Suddenly I've noticed the ripple effect on the surface of the calm waters reflecting my aqua blue 2 piece swimsuit. while the breeze was brushing , tiny waves developed, making my hips' reflection moving to the inaudible music for a belly dancer. I closed my eyes and already filed a petition to suggest to my brain to look back in the archives of my gray matter. I am trying to run my intelligence on a skeleton crew to save on thoughts. Minimal energy, just enough to tally up the past and recognize the double efforts of my future. Since I remember myself, I had to live double life, double exposure over a double barrel shotgun about to fire. One for the world as requested by my peers, for full life experience, and the second one for myself, for my soul. People working double shifts, I always hear them complaining about everything. They say that it is tiring, overwhelming and unfunny. Now multiply this accumulation of feelings and experiences by two. That would be me, since I known myself. Suddenly it did hit me on the face, abruptly, that I've been living my life for others. And with all my personal power struggles, I am trying to squeeze a tiny happiness out of it, like the end of the toothpaste tube. Of course it won't work well. The satisfaction and rewards are minimal, in this situation. What is wrong with this picture, as displayed since my birth, forever..! This picture is sooo wrong that, I kind of lost the concept of displaying it properly, the concept of reality, my reality. It is not a simple drawing with a soft pencil on a canvas, so I can go back, erase and restart, redesign from scratch. We are talking about my life. A life that I wasted generously for the sake of making other people happy, by accomplishing their demands, their expectations, while pushing mine to the background.. It had a tag on as "my life", but I never owned it. Was I out there to serve others, my destiny on a silver platter, for their eyes and their wishes only..! It shouldn't happen this way.. Shouldn't happen in any other way. It should happen only one way. One should live the life for herself. Stop me right there if I am wrong in any possible way. And, if I am right, just live me alone. Set me free like a bird out of captivity. I am not your life's DJ to fulfill your requests!. I am not playing your song anymore. I will reject your proposition to make me live my life the way you want me to. It wouldn't be my life than.. It'll be yours. Sadly, not mine... Do you see the problem there? That's why I decided to revolt against the customary concepts and I took over my destiny, one step at a time. And I cordially picked the highway to be myself. Just myself.. Nothing else but myself. And suddenly, the inner peace has established at a spectacular speed, and stayed at this level, the way it supposed to be. Did you ever noticed that I didn't need any super heroes to help me out, to make it happen. None whatsoever. There you go, I did prove clearly to myself and to the rest of the world that one is always a superhero by nature. All I had to do is to reach in me and pull out the courage to be myself. The rest was as easy as going down on a rollercoaster. Fast and efficient, without the screaming. Don't you agree with me that I deserve a break now? A relaxed day by the pool? Didn't I say the same thing at the beginning of this story?. How about you? What are you waiting for? Aren't you already tired of living your life for others? Let me remind you, that there are many sunny days to spare for a nice break by the poolside... It is time to be yourself...

~ Jen~