jennorater's Blog
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11/8/07 8 CommentsWTF??~ROCK~PAPER~SCISSORS
UNDERSTAND THAT SCISSORS CAN BEAT PAPER AND I GET HOW ROCK CAN BEAT SCISSORS. BUT THERE'S NO WAY PAPER CAN BEAT ROCK. PAPER IS SUPPOSED TO MAGICALLY WRAP AROUND ROCK LEAVING IT IMMOBILE? WHY THE HELL CAN'T PAPER DO THIS TO SCISSORS? SCREW SCISSORS, WHY CAN'T PAPER DO THIS TO PEOPLE? WHY AREN'T SHEETS OF COLLEGE-RULED NOTEBOOK PAPER CONSTANTLY SUFFOCATING STUDENTS AS THEY ATTEMPT TO TAKE NOTES IN CLASS? I'LL TELL YOU WHY, BECAUSE PAPER CAN'T BEAT ANYBODY, A ROCK WOULD TEAR THAT SHIT UP IN TWO SECONDS. WHEN I PLAY ROCK/PAPER/SCISSORS I ALWAYS CHOOSE ROCK. THEN WHEN SOMEBODY CLAIMS TO HAVE BEATEN ME WITH THEIR PAPER I PUNCH THEM IN THE THROAT WITH MY ALREADY CLENCHED FIST AND SAY "OH I'M SORRY. I THOUGHT PAPER WOULD PROTECT YOU, STUPID-FUCK."
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11/8/07 3 CommentsMaxi~Pad
Dear Mr. Thatcher,
I have been a loyal user of your Always maxi pads for over 15 years and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the Leak Guard Core(tm) or Dri-Weave(tm) absorbency, I'd probably never go horseback riding or salsa dancing, and I'd certainly steer clear of running Up And down the beach in tight, white shorts. But my favorite feature has to be your revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only company smart enough to realize how crucial it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic. I can't tell you how safe and secure I feel each month knowing there's A little F-16 in my pants. Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? Ever suffered from "the curse"? I'm guessing you haven't. Well, my "time of the month" is starting right now. As I type, I can already feel hormonal forces violently surging through my body. Just a few minutes from now, my body will adjust and I'll be transformed into what my boyfriend likes to call "an inbred hillbilly with knife skills." Isn't the human body amazing? As Brand Manager in the Feminine-hygiene Division, you've no doubt seen quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your customers' monthly visits from "Aunt Flow". Therefore, you must know about The bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our intense mood swings, crying jags, and out-of-control behavior. You surely realize it's a tough time for most women. In fact, only last week, my friend Vickie fought the violent urge to shove her boyfriend's testicles into a George Foreman Grill just because he told her he thought Grey's Anatomy was written by drunken chimps. Crazy! The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that America is just crawling with homicidal maniacs in Capri pants... which brings me to the reason for my letter. Last month, while in the throes of cramping so painful I wanted to reach inside my body and yank out my uterus, I opened an Always maxi-pad, and there, printed on the adhesive backing, were these words: "Have a Happy Period." Are you fucking kidding me? What I mean is, does any part of your tiny middle-manager brain really think happiness - actual smiling, laughing happiness is possible during a menstrual period? Did anything mentioned above sound the least bit pleasurable? Well, did it, James? FYI, unless you're some kind of sick S&M freak girl, there will never be anything "happy" about a day in which you have to jack yourself up on Motrin and Kailua and lock yourself in your house just so you don't march down to the local Walgreen's armed with a hunting rifle and a sketchy plan to end Your life in a blaze of glory. For the love of God, pull your head out, man! If you just have to slap a moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn't it make more sense to Say something that's actually pertinent, like "Put Down the Hammer" or "Vehicular Manslaughter Is Wrong", or are you just picking on us? Sir, please inform your Accounting Department that, effective immediately, there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for I have chosen to take my maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will certainly miss your Flex-Wings, I will not for one minute miss Your brand of condescending bullshit. And that's a promise I will keep...
Always. Best, A Bitchy Woman, Florida
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11/7/07 8 CommentsI Believe
I believe in miracles and dreams that will come true, and I believe in happiness and friendship,through and through. I believe that when you cry your tears are not in vain,and when your sad and lonely someone knows that you're in pain. I believe that when when we laugh a sparkle starts to shine, and before you know these sparks will spread from more hearts than just mine. I believe the gifts you have are there for you to share and when you give them from the heart, the whole world knows you care. I believe that if you give even just to one, that gift will grow in magnitude before the day is done. I believe that comfort comes from giving part of me, and if I share with others, there's more for all to see. I believe that love is still the greatest gift of all, and when it's given from the heart, Love will conquer all .
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11/5/07 6 CommentsLove Note
Shut the door. Take off your pants. Get on top. Do whatever you need to do to satisfy your needs. Love always
....The Toilet
HAPPY HUMP DAY EVERYONE!!
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11/4/07 5 CommentsSome things you didnt know about me
I'm a now considered a Florida native since I have been down here so long... Which means I scream at the "snowbirds" who drive horribly, get loud and am a huge BITCH. Mind you, I do all of this with a tan- so that makes up for it right? I would rather hang out with a beer at a hole in the wall bar than go "club hopping". I can't stand South Beach. I absolutley LOVE my mom and can't be associated with anyone who doesn't have a decent relationship with theirs. Here's a fun fact about me that's pretty rare... I actually LOVE my job. As for my friends.... variety is key. I don't keep people around who lack purpose or are there just to take up space. I like surrounding myself with those I can learn from and vice versa. I'm incredibly sarcastic yet unbelievably positive. Most people don't understand how that's possible but, it's a wonderful combo and it works well for me. I believe in healthy competition and LOVE people who actually GRASP that concept. Also love .... It's exciting and new....I've learned that life is insanely short and if you are wasting yours, I encourage you to reconsider. There's a whole world out there and I want to see it all. Never sell yourself short.I believe in the truth,don't ask for it unless you want to hear it. I love to laugh at myself and make fun of others. I work and play hard!. I can't stand people who make excuses and are lazy. I believe that you should treat others the way that you want to be treated. Respect authority but challenge it when you think they are misguided. I do believe in a higher power but organized religion seems to me to be the biggest oxy-moron in the world. Clowns freak me out and I'll never understand anyone that likes to operate a puppet. Don't take yourself too seriously and get that blue-tooth outta your ear~ you're not in the secret service, you're not THAT important but most of all you won't be able to hear me laughing at how silly you look!
Luvs me
This is why I live in South Florida.......
I went to see sunrise today and took these pictures at the Jupiter Inlet, Palm Beach County Florida
Jupiter Beach, Palm Beach County
Jupiter Inlet, Plam Beach County
Jupiter Beach Resort Deck. Jupiter Beach, Palm Beach County Florida
